Daily Love Notes

The Journey

Define Yourself

Define Youself

Story by QueenBee. Revised by Julyendlesslove.-----"Let your stories teach others, share them with us!"

 
Sitting at the balcony of the house, staring at keypad screen, thinking whether I should make a call I’m about to make, I am hopeless. This is what I tell myself everyday after he left; I am hopeless without him. I want to hit the dial and call him so my curiosity would run dry and I will be certain that there is nothing left between us. The cool breeze does nothing, but makes me feel like a complete loner in the world because the only one person that I had loved was taken away from me. What had I done that made him leave me? Was the love I gave not enough? In that very moment, I have a choice to make. A choice to become a complete loser in this love game, or a choice to silently let my thoughts run wild and forget about it tomorrow.

[Five weeks ago]

Watching Modern Family I was, three days after we broke up. I was stone-hearted because I knew this would be exactly like the past breakups we had. To us, breakup was like a big fight, and we would always end up getting back to each other. A couple days later, I knew nothing of what he was doing, or who he was with. I felt it; it was different this time. It was more painful and I’ve become more and more desperate, more and more curious of his whereabouts. I called him.

Me: “Where are you? Don’t you care about how I was doing?”

Him: “I’m home. We broke up. Stop calling me.”

He hung up. It hit me hard. It was like a knife stabbed right in my chest, making it hard for me to breathe. Could that be the voice I thought I knew?

Days later….

Phone ringing…

Me: “I miss you. Can we just make up and be in love as always?”

Him: “I can’t. We cannot be together. Now we’re not together anymore.”

Me: “Why can’t we? We’ve been together forever. Was it something I did?” It was foolish of me to ask that last question. But, it would be a most frequently asked question for a girl who just got dumped. The first thing that came to her mind was, is it her fault? Has she done something wrong?

He, as every decent heartbreaker, answered “It wasn’t your fault. It was mine. I’m busy. Good bye!”

Drops after drops my tears fall, I didn’t know what to do. It would have been easy for me to forget if he was a complete douche bag to me when we dated. It was a complete opposite. Most people I know would say we had the best relationship, the one that got the whole world jealous. He was the guy who took care of me, he was my best friend, he was everything I could ask of a boyfriend, but now, he’s completely someone different. Then, I thought of somewhat a brilliant idea, what if I get his attention by hurting myself? [Yes, it sounds stupid as it seems. But that was the choice a depressed woman would think of.]

I sent him a photo of the sleeping pills I had no intentions of taking because even though he broke my heart, I do love myself and have no desire to hurt my delicate body or gut. In my mind, there are two possible responses I would get: first, he still cares and has the feeling for me if he responds; second, if I get a silent treatment, it’s a message of “Go ahead and die, I don’t give a damn.”

Him: “Are you crazy? You think taking sleeping pills would make me love you again? You’re hurting yourself. I know you’re better than this.”

Me: sobbing through the phone at least this is what I can make the pain go away for now. You’re not here to take care of me anymore.”

Him: “Go ahead, take them if it makes u feel any better.”

I’m sorry if you expect me to die today because I surely don’t want to end my life yet. So I just cry myself until I fell asleep.

At 6pm, I woke up to have dinner. I had no appetite. I normally would eat everything on the table, but these days, I just lost it. I could barely touch my food, but I had to, I had to live so he can see how miserable I’ve become.

I went back to my room, locked myself up, and signed in to Facebook. I had this skill; most people would call it “stalking,” but I would call it “research.” So I did my research on my so-called ex-boyfriend. He’s not posting any new stuff because that’s just the way he was. But, there’s this one girl who seem to have completely new interest in everything on his profile. So, I did my research on her too. I forbid myself from accepting the truth, I denied what I saw, and categorize what I just saw as a possibility of his new relationship with this girl. I picked up my phone and dialed his number.

Me: “ Lemme tell you something. If you’re gonna dump me for some girls, at least pick a better one.”

Him: “What are u talking about?”

Me: “You know exactly what I’m talking about. Those words you tried to make me feel better when we broke up? That we can’t be together and shit. Yeah, you just got feelings for some other girls.”

Him: “You’re not listening to yourself. I’m not going to talk to this side of you.”

I was always this harsh and this mean on the outside, but I was very weak inside because I always ended up calling him, asking him to forgive me even I had no ideas what I did wrong. I would do whatever it took for him to come back.

Days later, I found out they went out together with some people they knew. In my mind, I went, “Shit just got real.” I was an inch away from killing this girl who’s having so much fun with my man. So I text him that night.

“She’s falling for you. Don’t play with her feelings. You’re not over me, and we’re done. She will agree to be your girl if you continue to be like this. I have no intentions of playing or messing around or starting any relationship. We’re just friends. Just like you and me.” Quickly he replied, “So you said I’d said what you needed to hear.”

I was dying inside, slowly and painfully. I knew how much it hurts a wife when her husband has an affair or cheats on her. I couldn’t forgive both of them for hurting me and going behind my back like it was okay. I thought he was better than that. I couldn’t believe the man I once loved became someone I used to know. He was different and this side of him was new. To me, he was still that decent guy who puts me first on the top of his list. Now? I am being replaced. And that one girl who is on her way of replacing me should at least understand how bad I must have felt knowing someone who was with my man.

It was a hot sunny day, I called him to meet me after I had found out they went to watch a movie together, just the two of them. Frankly, it was an excuse to see him because I hadn’t seen him for weeks. I missed him so much. It was a 30-minute drive. He got in and looked exhausted. It seems as if he didn’t get enough sleep or food. I wanted to touch his face, but I couldn’t. He wasn’t not mine anymore.

“Why do you want to meet me?” he asked. Instantaneously I relied, “Why did you lie to me? You said there hadn’t been anything between you and her.” “We’re not together anymore. Why can’t I meet someone new?” “Three weeks after you broke up with me? The mourning period for a dead spouse is AT LEAST three months.” He gently said as always, “Well, time moves fast these days. She will feel bad if she knows I have come here to meet you.” I held my hand up high and slapped him right in the face. My palm hurts, but my heart hurts even more. It was the first time I hit someone because I had been mad.

I lost it. I yelled, “DON’T YOU CARE ABOUT ME??? Don’t I feel bad knowing I’m being replaced? Don’t you think for a second of seeing the man I love going to some new girls he had just met kills me inside? You’re a complete jerk, you know that?” He just looked at me, lost for words. “This will be the last day for me to try. Everything has its limit. I’ve been to my lowest, begging you, crying for you. From today on, you will just be someone I used to know. And all the shit we’ve been through these years, I’ll just have to live with it. Now get out!”

I couldn’t see what’s on the road clearly because my eyes were filled with tears that I had been trying to hold. I came in my room, locked the door, brought out my old photos with him, tore them into small pieces. In the mirror, I saw one ugly teenage girl; I saw despair in her eyes. I looked at her for a very long time. She’s so pathetic. It was not like her whole life had been crashing. So I wiped the tear on my face and washed away the sadness. I put my makeup on and I called my friends out.

For weeks, I’ve been doing these things with my friends. Hanging out, having fun, going to movies, going to parties, dressing up, we did whatever comes to our minds. And for weeks, I forgot my heart had been wounded by those two. A wise man once said, “Your happiness drives people crazy.” I started to see it was true. It drove people crazy when they thought they were the reason behind your happiness and once they were gone, your life should be miserable. Prove them wrong. 

No one should define her life, whether she should be happy or sad, laugh or cry because it is only she who can choose what goes in and out of her life. If they’re not worth staying, there’s an exit door, don’t hesitate to kick them out. Life is too short to keep those who are not worth it. Those who are worth it will always stand by your side, no matter what happens.

The Journey

Story by Heng Oudam. Revised by Julyendlesslove. -----"Let your stories teach others, share them with us!"

The Reunion

It was the early morning of the rainy season in  capital city of Phnom Penh—a little busy place for Cambodians and the heaven and land of opportunity of the rich and powerful, and also the battle field for the poor and disadvantaged—I stood near the room window and looked outside at the dead quiet street, under the dark blue sky with billion drops of rain falling down, waiting for the first luminescence of the sun, willing to brighten the earth, which did remind me that it was the last minute I was there.

Today was not clear, the clouds hide the sunshine, and the rain stopped pouring down; on the contrary, the horror sound of thunder replaced it as if it wanted to show my passion to leave, saddening me just to say goodbye to my relatives. It was the coldest morning of my life— my heart would be frozen to bear the temperature; fortunately, I covered my body with an old sweater and thanked God my cousin came to pick me up to the bus station. Even the thermometer dwindled nearly to zero, yet it could not stop people from serving their stomach—along the road to the Central market, residents were in rush to open their business.

The traveling continued silently until we reached the bus station. He helped me carry my bags to keep in luggage hold, but he could not stay longer as I wished. The rain dropped again, while I sat waiting to leave—my eyes looked at my watch; suddenly, a man in his wet dress came into my bus. I could see his face clearer as he walked closer. I recognized him. He had studied with me in high school, yet I did not remember what his name was. He came and sat near me, and then he spoke out. "Hey, man!" he tapped my shoulder and continued, "Do you remember me?" "Oh, we studied with each other in high school, didn't we? But I don’t remember your name, lemme think….. em…..Sambath, are you not?" He looked at me with funny face, which I used to experienced, and laughed, "Yeah, of course, you are wrong! I’m Smey, Kong Raksmey. Why are you going to Siem Reap?" "Find someone!" I replied and added, "How about you? Why?" "I have to join a conference there for a week, and how is your work?" "I’m a chemical engineer of one industrial factory." "When I was answering his question, our conversation was disturbed by the sound of the ignition as the bus started to leave the station. 

The rain was pouring during our expedition to the Angkors—I could see nothing outside the bus but the fog, and stains of water on the glass window, listening to music and sitting silently, he asked me, " I haven't seen you for ages! What happened to you? You look so quiet, and who is that someone you are looking for?" I closed the book and turned to him, and then I told him the story.

Back to the Story

My story started from 31st of March, 2008 when I was in 11th grade in Santhor Mok senior high school, which was one of the biggest high schools in town. The first semester exam was approaching. Bona, who was one of my good friends, came around to discuss some questions and exercises for the sake of the exam preparation. "Hey, do you have some clues for the soon-coming chemistry exam?" He asked with the eagerness to get the answer.  "Yes, I have a battle of H2O for that exam. Do you need it?" Feeling stupid, he shouted with the curious face, "How come you take it to your day?" "For drinking!!! How silly you are!" I laughed and opened the book. "Go to hell!" he replied and threw his eraser at me. Then he came to sit near me and said, "You are good at chemistry and your chemistry teacher is so famous; could you share with me the clues?" "$5 for each!!! No money, go away," I whispered with my eyes still fixed on the book. "Okay! This is my friend. Why don’t you go to rob the bank?" Irritated, he stood up and spoke out. I told him, "Hey, man! I was just kidding.  I’ll bring them to you to class if I have."

Our discussion was finished at 5 o’clock, and Bona left for his home. Many days later, I went to his class to give him the clues of the exam. His teacher was teaching when I arrived. I waited outside the class near the window, reading my paper silently. I waiting for quite a long time. He still did not yet came out. I walked closer to the window, and then, the moment of awkwardness of a teenager's passion got fired as he came across a beautiful girl. Never before had such a passion stirred up in a young boy's heart. She made me feel as if I were flying. I didn’t believe what I just I had just seen her, yet I was awakened from a beautiful dream as we made eye contacts, and then I stepped back abruptly to my previous position.

It was 11 o'clock. I was still waiting for him, and I couldn't bear anymore. I looked around and, up to the sky, turn to that window again. I decided to ask for help from her. I walked closer to her sitting next to the window while she was concentrating on lecture. "Pardon me!" I waved my hand with the greeting face and prepared to ask her for help. "Ah………," she screamed at me with the scary face.

Everybody looked at me, and the teacher paused his lecture for quite a while as though the earth stood still for a minute. I was embarrassed as all eyes were on me. This situation passed silently after she smiled at me. I took a long breath and asked her again. "Pardon me, could you call Bona for me please? I have been waiting for him for an hour already." She smiled and passed the speech to him continuously through contingent of people sitting in the same row. Bona ran out of the class suddenly as he acknowledged my presence. After I gave him what he'd wanted, I returned home, but the picture of that terrible second still remained in my head, and it infuriated me until I considered it as a good dream.

On that evening, he rang me to say express his gratitude for that clue because it was a hundred per cent correct. I complained to him for what had happened on that morning. "Your classmate’s so nasty!" "Which one?" "No need to rub it in," I said as though I was angry, yet I really wanted to know more about her. "I ask you again, which girl?" "The one who got me embarrassed; she screamed at me as if she met a ghost! "My friend laughed and said, "You really look like a ghost as you're acting!" "Hey, you jerk!" I shouted. "I still don’t recognize who she is. The girl who worn red shirt and sat near the window!" "Her name is Nita, and she’s one of the pretty girls in my class." "Can you tell me her full name, man?" "Som Sonita!" "Her name tells me she’s a nasty girl!" "No, and she’s so nice!" He laughed and continued, "You like her?" "The hell!" I answered. "She is so pretty, so maybe she has had someone who loved her already." My friend shouted suddenly, "No, she hasn't had one yet. I can give you her number if you want!" "No need," I rejected, reluctantly.

Our conversion was not delayed too long. It was a very silent night, but I still stayed awake and I was still thinking about what had happened. Listening to the singing of the cricket, I asked myself , "Why do I remember her so clearly, why can't I fall sleep? or am I in love with her?" I tried to forget all the stories at that night and waited for the arrival of the new day.

Starting Sunday

For the whole week, everything is simple as usual, but, on the next Sunday's morning, all the picture on that day popped up in my head again, and I said to myself I really wanted to meet her again. I telephoned my friend to ask him for her number.

It was the first time of my life calling a girl; I was really shy to hear the waiting sound, and I could not stand hearing it, so I hanged up— asking myself what I was doing. I decided to send a message to her, instead of calling her. The content of the message I tried to write were written as if I had got confused with the number. At first, she asked me who I was, and then I asked her to be my friend. As I asked, she also agreed. It was the most beautiful Sunday I have ever had in my very life. From day-to-day, our relationship grew gradually, even we had never met each other before, yet we deeply understood each other.

From that Sunday, I had known her for a month—I think it was a suitable time for me to confess my love to her—but she rejected and told me she wouldn't have any love relationship until having finished high school, and I also adapted to her feeling.

After that month, Facebook became the most popular social network site for Cambodian teenagers. I, like others, was one of the members of the site, and I asked her to get in taught through this social way. It was the first time of the time.

The Black Cloud

It was very fast for our relationship; we had to study grade 12, the final year of high school life. I changed my class to study with her. The first class came in a clear, lovely day. In the student uniform, carrying the big bag walking into class with smile face, I was truly happy to see her, and felt a bit frightened. I came into the wrong class. I saw strange students whom I had never known. Not until my friend had called me did I wonder why he had not yet come. "Where are you?" I asked him. "Gose! It is I who should ask you where you had been!" "You must be joking me; I’m sitting in the classroom!" "Why can't I see you? You must be confused."

I came out the class and look at the room number; it was room 2B21, but my class was in 2C21. Then I came back to the class to collect all my stuffs back and walked out of it. It was my second embarrassment.

 This time I ensured myself not to get confused once again. When I walked into the class, the very first person I saw was her. Yet, her face was so sad. Suddenly, my friend waved his hand to me and showed me the seat. He asked me some questions. "Hey, I have a piece of hot news to tell you. Interested?" he said. "With respect to the World War III?" I laughed and took off my bag. "Don’t you know anything about your girl?" "What? What has happened to her? Could you  please tell me now?" "She's gonna change to study in Siem Reap!" "I was so deeply disappointed to hear like that, and, during the break time, she walked to my desk, sat in the front of, turning to me, and said, "Sorry..." "What for?" "My father decided to work in Siem Reap." "Can you promise me? You will wait for me until I have a suitable job, and I WILL marry you." She paused and answered, "I have not yet thought about this." "How much time will you take to start thinking? I will wait for you, no matter what. When will you leave?"  "Tomorrow," sadly she answered.

The ring alarmed, she left to her seat. We was silent, even the message. At 11 O'clock, I waited for her outside the class. "Can I go to your home tomorrow?" "No. I don’t want my father know about us." "I will miss you." "You will see another girl who is better than I am." "I still love you, even others are better than you."

Suddenly, her brother arrived and she left me with the question unanswered. 

Final Stage

 From that day, I couldn't meet her; I called her every time I think about her. Now, I have a suitable job, and I believe her family will accept me. Raksmey asked, "So that person is her?" I answered, "Yes...," saddened.

 Our bus arrived in Kompong Thom and stopped for lunch, and we were hungry for food and drink. We had lunch together and then continued the journey to Siem Reap.

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វាយោរត្រជាក់នៃសមុទ្រ                     ឱខ្យល់បរិសុទ្ធនៃផែនដី
ស្រូបហើយជីវិតសែនមានន័យ           ប្រៀបក្លិនកេសីស្រីជីវា
រលកបោកច្រាំងបាំងសម្រស់              បាំងមើលមិនឆ្លុះចិត្តពីសី
រលកល្អក់ទឹកបងព្រួយភ័យ                 ចង់យល់ចិត្តស្រីគិតយ៉ាងណា
ទឹកខៀងស្រងាត់ស្អាតតែប្រៃ              ពិបាកយល់ន័យដូចស្នេហា
បើខ្ញុំស្តីរកនាងវាចារ                           ម៉្លេះហ្នឹងចិន្តាសែនអរភ័យ
រលកបក់ខ្លាំងឲ្យខ្ញុំខ្វល់​​​​​​​​​​                        កករកកល់ក្នុងហរទ័យ​
​​​​បើញុំស្តីរកនាងឆ្មើងឆ្មៃ                        គួរម្តេចប្រុសថ្លៃឆ្លើយដោះសារ។

ដោយ៖ Tin Tinna

Fans Love Poems

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Favorite Love Quotes

Love Quotes #1: Love & Water
Love Quotes #2: Love & Fire

Love Quotes #2: Love & Fire

Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable. 

Love is like a fire. In the beginning, giant sparks and flames can make it feel like it will last forever, but without work any fire will soon go out. But with work, and the right ingredients, it can burn forever. Anyone can be lost in its indescribable beauty or be burnt by its potent flames. The best way to keep a fire burning is to understand it; it burns best when it is not smothered, when it can breathe and be comfortable. Fire can brighten your way, even in the darkest of times; and bring warmth to your winters. Love, it’s like a fire.

- JTA

Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/b/brucelee137154.html#oQKXxXogtV4W4KKT.99